


Keep Their Heads Ringin'

by verucasalt123



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Crack, Jealousy, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Slash, ridiculousness on the part of the author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 07:44:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU based on the movie Friday originally meant for spn_cinema but not submitted there. It is complete and utter ridiculousness, and the only RPF or AU that I have ever or probably will ever write in this fandom. If you have not seen the movie, you will probably not get this at all.</p>
<p>IDEFK. Stimulate your mind, man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Their Heads Ringin'

Jared woke up with the sound of the telephone ringing right next to his head. He knew who it was, no one else would be calling at such an ungodly hour of the morning, and he tried to clear his thoughts to get ready for the onslaught. His jealous-ass boyfriend, imagining things, making shit up, listening to rumors, whatever, nothing at 7am was going to be good. He could have let it ring. But then it would have just rung again. And again. So he sucked it up and picked up the call.

“Jen”, he sleepily answered, “good morning, baby.”

“Who the fuck you go to the show with last night?”

Now this, Jared wasn’t prepared for. He’d been home last night. Watching TV, going to bed early.

Feebly, but honestly, he replied, “I didn't go to the show last night.”

“You ain't got to lie, Jay. You _ain’t got to lie_ ”, was the response, and Jared wondered if these sneak attacks were planned around him being sleepy and not exactly in any position to defend himself from accusations that were all complete fabrications to begin with.

“Ain't nobody lyin'. I didn't go to the show last night.” The stupid fucking show, which Jensen had asked him to go to, and he’d said he was too tired and bummed out from getting fired from his job on his _fucking day off_ so he wasn’t going, and he didn’t go. He really didn’t. Which mattered **nothing** to Mr. Jealous McJealousPants.

“Yes, you did. Kane’s friend Mike told me his boy Jeff saw you there all hugged up with some twink. Now tell. Me. Who. He. Was.”

“Kane’s friend Mike’s boy Jeff is a goddamn...Yeah, he’s a liar. He didn’t see me hugged up with nobody, ‘cause I wasn’t _there_ , Jen.” Jared was trying hard to put some conviction behind his exhausted argument but he already knew there was no point. God knew once Jensen had some half-cocked story in his head, it was damn near impossible to get rid of it. He just sat with the phone to his ear and waited for the inevitable.

“Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you what. You just tell the fucker, whoever he is, when I catch him, I'm gonna beat his ass!”

Click. Silence. Fuck. This was going to be one long-ass fucking Friday.

Jared’s mom had overheard part of the conversation, rolling her eyes and giving him The Look.

“I don't know why you’re messing with that little fast-assed boy anyway. Must have something worth all this trouble”, she said, giving her son The Other Look.  
************************************  
“Jared, tell that stupid boy to stop playing on my phone”, his mama said an hour later. He figured he might have a shot at playing dumb.

“What stupid boy?”, he asked, trying for an exceptionally innocent and confused look.

“Jensen. He keeps calling and hanging up, and I know it's him 'cause I star-69ed him, and he hung up again. I don't like him disrespecting my house. You tell him I said to stop it, all right?”

The Mom Look. The I Know All There Is To Know And More Look. Fuck.

**********************************

Jared didn’t think his life could get any worse. He sat on the front porch with his best friend Misha, and listened to him ramble on about how weed was the best thing on the planet.

“Man, I been gettin' high all week. Take a puff. Take a hit.”

“Fuck you, Misha, you know I don’t smoke”, Jared replied, already aggravated by the ridiculously annoying events of yesterday afternoon and this morning.

“Jay, ain't like you got shit to do tomorrow. You don't have to go to work. Later you have to tell me how a motherfucker gets fired _on his day off_. But not now. Go on. Take a hit. Weed is from the earth. _God_ put this here for me. And for you. Come on, man. ”

Right. Peer pressure. Because they were both still in eighth grade. NOT. 

Jared remained silent, staring at nothing in front of him, keeping his eyes hard and unwavering. He concentrated on the ever-present pair of beat-up Chucks, laced together and slung over a power line crossing their block.

“Come on... Jared, it'll stimulate your mind,”, broken record repeating itself, “It’s Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain’t got shit to do”, Misha said _again_.

Jared gave it a minute. Thought about yesterday. Thought about the phone call with Jensen this morning. Thought about the stupid conversation with his mom.

“Alright.” He put the joint to his mouth and inhaled, holding his breath like he’d seen Misha do a hundred and fifty seven times. And then he coughed. A lot. 

“Stop hitting it so hard, man. Don’t get yourself sick before you get to the good part.”

Jared tried again. Less coughing this time.

Oh, shit.

“Take your time”, Misha counseled him wisely, “Gotta crawl before you walk. You high yet?”

The answer was yes, but Jared didn’t seem to be able to verbalize it.

Snacky-ness came on fairly quickly. They made their way into the kitchen, Misha digging through cabinets and the fridge. “Let’s make some Kool-Aid.”

Jared tried to clear his eyes as he looked for the simple ingredients. “No sugar. Sorry.”

Misha slumped at the kitchen table with an exceptionally put-upon look on his face, head tilted to the side and a slight pout on his lips. “Man, y’all never have two things that match. Kool-Aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger.” Heavy sigh. Though that last one didn’t really make any sense. Maybe. Jared wasn’t all that sure at this point.

*****************************************

No matter, Misha seemed to have some kind of business to take care of with the neighborhood ice cream truck driver/pot dealer, Crowley, who Jay had never trusted. The guy was creepy and he was mean to kids. What the fuck kind of ice cream man was mean to kids anyway? And what if he accidentally gave some kid a weed popsicle instead of a RocketPop or a Flintstones Pushup? Wait, no. Probably no such thing as a weed popsicle. Jared was never letting Misha talk him into that stupid shit again. He needed his brain cells. 

He hadn’t forgotten that time Misha got high in the car with Ash and them, sucked down his j like it was nothing before they told him there was angel dust in it. Jared had never missed an opportunity to bring up the sight of his friend shivering in his shorts past midnight on the street, crying for his worthless mama. Misha’s mom could be scary, this was true, but a different kind of scary. Not like Jay’s, smart and strong and capable, Misha’s mom was a chain-smoking soap opera addict who spent all day lounging around in a nightgown. Jared started some train of thought about how maybe that affected how he and his best friend had ended up being so different, even though they grew up together on the same block, but that train was quickly derailed by the stupid haze of the stupid weed that wouldn’t go away. 

Man, what the fuck had he been thinking? Impulse control, yeah, that was something he was usually good at, and today had been a total failure in that department. Misha came back from the ice cream truck seeming nervous and shaky, saying something about Crowley that Jared didn’t really understand, but it was all right, because Misha didn’t seem interested in discussing it, just waved him off and started slinking down the street toward his own house. 

********************************************

It occurred to him that having lost his job the day before, due to absolutely no fault of his own, he had no idea how he was going to give his mom the money for his car insurance. He was digging deep for some kind of functioning intellect. 

When his little sister Jo got home from school, he told her how nice her hair looked today. She gave him a stare that implied he’d called her Medusa and she was turning him to stone. 

“Jared, please. Maybe I’m younger, but I’m not stupid. What the hell do you want?”

“Can I borrow some money?”, he asked, looking properly chastised, he thought.

Jo scowled, rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth all at the same time. It was a particular talent of most teenage girls, Jared’s sister being no exception. “How am I gonna lend you money if you don’t have a job, fool?”

“If I had a **job** , I wouldn’t have to ask you to borrow money!” 

“No. Now leave me alone, I have six phone calls to return and I don’t even have shoes picked out for tonight.” Her bedroom door slammed behind her, and that was that. His own sister. Damn.

Misha ended up sitting back on Jared’s porch again, but didn’t try to get him to smoke any more pot, which was a plus. Then Jo’s friend Anna showed up, the hot one, Jay didn’t really swing that way, but he knew hot when he saw it. She was there and gone before he and Misha had time for yet another ridiculous argument, but they both watched her walk away without commenting on the view.

**************************************  
Anna came back, though, because she had left something behind while visiting Jared’s sister. Jared did the gentlemanly thing by escorting her into the house so that she could retrieve her handbag. As he was walking back toward the front door, he knew he was in for a major confrontation. Misha thought he was funny.

Jensen had shown up, music blasting from his car stereo announcing his arrival before he even turned onto Jared’s block. He was fairly certain that he could actually feel the thumping bass before he heard it, Jensen doing a TJ Hooker into his driveway and squealing the brakes, showing off like he always did. Misha, fucking _comedian_ , told him Jared was inside at the very moment that he was walking his sister’s friend to the door. Anna walked right past Jensen, giving him a quick up-and-down before turning her head, giggling and walking away. 

Jensen’s reaction might as well have been written on a movie script.

“Uh-uh. Hell no. Now, who is **that** bitch?”

Misha helpfully chimed in, “Yeah, Jay, who is that bitch?”, with a shit-eating grin on his stupid face.

Could this day get ANY worse? Jared ushered Jensen into the house with a hard-fought “Get inside, _now_ ”, his voice in the lowest most intimidating gravel he could manage to scrounge up considering the circumstances.

They went inside, Jared doing his best to convince Jen that the girl he’d been standing next to at the front door was just his little sister’s friend, and then they did a little _making up_ from this morning’s unfortunate telephone conversation and the more recent misunderstanding about Anna, because Jensen was zero to sixty in a minute to get angry, then sixty to zero in less than that to get compliant. After an enthusiastic blow job during which Jared attempted to pour all of his desire to set things right into the movements of his mouth and tongue and throat over Jensen’s cock, the tone seemed to settle a bit. Much less tension, much more lust, which was the usual for the two of them. 

Walking down the hallway toward the kitchen afterward, Jo reappeared, looking murderous and hysterical at the same time with a death glare that was surrounded by some crazy green skin cream all over her face. “Y’all know I can hear all your gay sex right though the wall, right? Keep it down, you nymphos!” She disappeared as quickly as she had stepped into the hallway, slamming her door hard enough to shake the framed family photos tacked onto the wall.

At that point, though, Jared had really just had enough company, of Jensen’s or anyone else’s. But he still thought he could get Jen to help him out of this little jam he was in. Time to turn on the dimples, the charm, the thousand-watt smile. Jensen may be aggravating sometimes, but he had his advantages, too.

Once they reached the front porch, Misha had left again, which was just as well. Jared didn’t want to have to do this kind of thing in front of him anyway. He walked his kind-of boyfriend out to his car, trying to get the upper hand before he swooped in for the kill.

“See, you need to control that little funky ass temper, Jen. I had to tell you too many times already.”

“I know. I forget sometimes, baby, thank you for reminding me,”, Jensen replied, flashing his own brain-melting grin. “I’m sorry”, he added, accompanied by his fluttering eyelashes and fake-innocent wide eyes, freckles standing out in the bright sunlight making him look even hotter than he already was.

“My mama knows that's you calling and hanging up.” Jared figured he’d just come right out with it, the threat of his mom being unhappy hanging over both of them.

Jensen’s response was, of course, a complete lie.

“What?”, he asked, with a look that screamed _how dare anyone accuse me of such behavior?_ “That ain't me calling and hanging up, baby. You know I love your mama.”

LIES. All lies. Whatever. Jared had an objective. He kissed Jensen sweetly and closed the driver’s side door to the car, hanging his head through the window.

“Hey, you got some money?”, Jared asked with his eyes half-closed and a sweet half-smile on his face, the look he knew Jensen couldn’t resist.

“What? Some, huh?”, Jen gave him a mildly annoyed look that assured Jared he wasn’t going to be turned down. “Aw, how much you need, baby?”

“About $200.”

“Well, I guess so”, Jensen huffed, as if he was put out by the request, but Jared knew he wasn’t, he was just making a show out of it. “What are you gonna give me, Jay?”

Jared smirked and kissed Jen softly through the window. “Baby, you know what I’m gonna give you.”

“All right. I’ll be back in a little while. Make sure your little high-ass friend isn’t hanging around. Your mama won’t be home from work for a while, right?”

“Yeah babe, not til six, maybe after that. We got time. Gonna let you fuck me, all sweet and slow, just how you like it. ‘Kay?”

Jensen grinned like a kid on Christmas morning. “Okay, baby. You be ready for me when I get back, you hear? _Ready_.” Jared knew exactly what that meant, and looked forward to some time lubing himself up and preparing himself with his fingers before Jensen got back to finish the job.

Christ, this was a clusterfuck. Jensen was beyond jealous and possessive and moody and sometimes obnoxious. But he was also like a come-to-life-letter-to-Penthouse-Forum in bed, hotter than any other guy Jared had ever been with, and there were other good things. Jared was still a little fuzzy in the brain from Misha’s “mind stimulation” earlier that day. So screw it, he got high, Jen was going to give him some money, and he was very likely going to get fucked senseless within the hour. Also, his mom would not know the money came from that “fast assed boy” she didn’t like, so he could pay his car insurance and wouldn’t have to listen to her complain. 

Monday, he’d have to go out looking for a new job.

Friday was the best day ever.


End file.
